The Farmer, the Fox and the Chicken
by RobDaZombie
Summary: Class 2-C are issued with an intelligence test, and Harima struggles with the first question...


_Disclaimer: I do not own School Rumble in any way, shape or form._

**The Farmer, the Fox and the Chicken**

The class groaned when Hayato handed out a test booklet for each desk. It was a Monday morning, and as far as everyone was concerned, nobody liked a test on a Monday morning, except maybe those people with no social life. Maybe Hayato hated tests when he was a teenager at school, so perhaps this was an act of revenge… but I highly doubt it.

"Okay class," Hayato yawned, "today all of you will be working on an intelligence test. There are a hundred problems in total and you have exactly one hour to finish it. Any questions?"

Hayato sighed when everybody put their hands up. Deciding he would only answer one question, Hayato elected to pick Imadori, because his questions were usually very simple.

"Do we _have _to do this?" Imadori whined.

"Yes," Hayato answered, "right no more questions good begin."

Harima hated tests. In his opinion, they were designed specifically to insult his lack of common knowledge. Without wasting any more time, he took a big deep breath and flipped open the booklet to reveal the first question.

_Question One: A farmer is walking alongside a fox and a chicken, and is also carrying a bag of seed. To achieve his objective, the farmer must cross over a rickety bridge over a deep lake with all three possessions. However the bridge is only strong enough for the farmer and something else, otherwise it would collapse. Also if the chicken is left alone with the bag of seed, the chicken will gobble it up. Similarly if the fox is left alone with the chicken, the fox will gobble her up._

_Using logic, can you help guide the farmer so he has the fox, the chicken, and the bag of seed so they are all at the other side of the bridge?_

"Okay, I can do this…" Harima whispered under his breath.

He stole a glance at his beloved Tenma-chan. She appeared to be having no trouble at all, happily scribbling away with her pen. Harima clenched a fist. He had to solve this problem and become the intelligent boyfriend and future husband Tenma-chan always craved for him to be. In his mind.

Bending back his fingers, Harima picked up the booklet and was now staring at it a millimetre away from his face. A ghostly, concentrated black aura surrounded him.

"I GOT IT!" He shouted, snapping his fingers. Unfortunately Harima is incapable of thinking for himself, but everybody in class were used to this by now. "The farmer grabs… a wheelbarrow and shoves everyone in! Then he crosses the bridge with all of them to safety!"

Then he realised that not only the bridge would give way, but there wasn't even a wheelbarrow present to begin with. He banged his head on the desk and tried to figure out something else.

"I GOT IT!" He shouted, snapping his fingers again. "What if they all have… jetpacks! Then they could all fly to safety!"

Then he realised such futuristic contraptions were not mentioned in the question. He now had two large lumps on his head.

"I GOT IT!" He shouted, snapping his fingers for the third time. "What if the farmer… hired a taxi so they could all cross at once?! Harima, you are a genius!"

But four seconds later, Harima realised he was the complete opposite of genius material. If the farmer alone could barely make it over the bridge, how the hell was the combined wait of a taxi, the farmer, the fox, the chicken and the bag of seed be able to sustain its stability? Not to mention the increased weight of the taxi driver too. Plus the farmer would need a communications device… say, a mobile phone? Nowhere in the question specified a mobile phone. In fact the question specified nothing other than a farmer, a chicken, a fox, a bag of seed and a rickety bridge over a deep lake.

"I could… use a catapult…"

He checked. Nope. There was nothing about mentioning a catapult.

"Or a big spade to tunnel through the other side!"

No spade. Failed.

"Or a floatation device to levitate them all at once!"

Seriously, a floatation device? What the hell?

The clock on the wall showed fifty minutes have passed by. Harima, completely unaware there was another ninety nine questions left, was still struggling to solve the first problem on the test. As far as he was concerned, that one problem _was _the test. He scribbled down every possible solution he thought of, only to realise each of these solutions were more ludicrous than the last. So in all honesty, his test sheet was filled with crossed out solutions, not to mention the addition of tiny holes where he furiously stabbed his booklet a good hundred times.

He suddenly grinned like a twisted psychopath, as if grinning like a standard issue psychopath wasn't twisted enough. Harima now had visions… _OF_ _MURDER_.

"Yeesss… I know… I'll kill them all!" Harima declared impulsively. "The farmer eats all the seed, then strangles the chicken, then strangles the fox, then straggles _himself_! That way, the problem is solved because the problem doesn't exist! THE PROBLEM IS DEAD!"

Eri turned around and noticed Harima making throttling gestures with his hands, quietly laughing to himself. Harima noticed the blonde looking in his direction, so he stood up and made one of his 'scenes'.

"WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT PRINCESS?!" Roared Harima, a ball of fire engulfing his face.

"Harima-san, please be quiet." Hayato softly ordered.

Harima sat on his chair again and apologised. "Uh, sorry."

The remaining ten minutes disappeared, and Harima finished, at most… well he only managed to finish that one question really. When the teacher collected the booklets, Harima felt like he opposed the world, and had given this globe an almighty kick in a face.

Yes. Today was a brilliant day for Harima.

Since it was raining outside, when the clock struck ten most of the students decided to hang out, or rather hang in at the cafeteria. Most of class 2-C were talking about the intelligence test, and how utterly pointless and boring it was to them. Mikoto, Akira, Eri and Tenma were all seated around a square table, all eating whatever it was they decided to eat.

As Harima purchased some triangular sandwiches, he noticed the group of four familiar looking girls on the furthest table. Actually, in a more accurate perspective, he noticed the short chirpy goddess with long raven black hair, with two piglet… tail… things coming out thanks to those red beads, and not to mention her lush, sparkly sapphire cherub eyes that just screamed 'my name is Tenma-chan, please wuv me'.

Pushing hesitation aside, Harima walked boldly over to Tenma and the other three (who he honestly couldn't give a damn about, especially princess). He noticed they were all laughing about something, so Harima did the natural thing… and laughed with them. Which was, for lack of a better word, weird.

Whilst the other three looked at him like he belonged on another planet, Tenma turned from her chair and gave him a massive, genuine eye smile.

"Oh hiya Harima-kun!" She said, ever so happily. "We were just talking about the test Hayato-sensei gave us!"

"Oh that! Ha!" Harima replied, rubbing the back of his neck. In all actuality, Harima only approached Tenma so he could brag about answering the first question, in a dying hope that he might become Tenma's husband one day. "Yeah! Ha ha! That first question was a real tough one, but it didn't fool me! Oh no! Not for a second!"

Now this was the part where Harima expected Tenma to say, 'oh wow Harima-kun, you're so cool'.

Boy was he wrong.

"Teehee! Silly Harima-kun! That question was way too easy!" Tenma giggled.

A lightning bolt of depressing doom struck Harima's forehead. "Uh, just out of curiosity, what… what was your answer to that question in particular?" He asked.

What Tenma said next would startle him to no end.

"Well…." she began to say, "…first, mister farmer carries the chicken over to the bridge! Then mister farmer returns and carries the fox to the other side, but _then _quickly takes the chicken back with him, so the chicken is safe from the fox's wrath! Finally, mister farmer takes the bag of seed to the other side, returns again and takes the chicken last!"

Harima's jaw dropped like a cash register.

"What was _your_ answer, beard?" Eri asked, grinning like a malicious vampire.

"N-NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Harima shouted as he ran away, leaving Tenma with an inflatable question mark bouncing on her head.

Harima didn't really run far though, just enough to be out of sight from the girl of her dreams. He quickly found an unoccupied table to sit down, and buried his head when he did. Then he slowly looked upwards and noticed that the table wasn't unoccupied… because sitting opposite him was Karasuma, who was slowly drinking a flask of tea. His near invisible presence would always haunt Harima to no end, as it did to more or less everyone in school.

"Hey," Harima asked Karasuma, "what was your answer to the first question?"

Karasuma gently put down his drink before explaining his answer. "The farmer blasts the fox and the chicken with his shotgun, killing them effectively. He then cooks them both into a curry and eats the finished product, thus erasing the fox and the chicken out of the equation."

Harima stared at him in a 'I cannot believe he just said that' kind of way.

"What about the bag of seed?" Harima questioned.

To which Karasuma answered, "The bag of seed is an inanimate object and is therefore irrelevant to the problem."

Taking a last sip of his tea, Karasuma rose from his seat and walked away, leaving Harima to a world full of confusion and demise.


End file.
